I've been healing up in the mountains all week and now I'm distressed because I thought my passport was in my car, but it's not. I know I took it when I left Baltimore, though, so it must be somewhere in my stuff at Mom's house.
In other news, I don't think that staying more than 90 days in Berlin is going to be a possibility (or am I jinxing myself there?). Let me say: It would take more effort for staying more than 90 days to be a possibility.
To apply for a visa, I need proof of healthcare (currently I'm not covered, but I'm working on that) and I need a letter from my employer, in addition to loads of other documents. I guess I'm a bit worried because I haven't talked to Le Job about my plans for the summer and I feel SCARED SHITLESS that I'm going to travel, use too much money, not do well on my freelance work, get fired, run out of money, move back to Atlanta and work somewhere unpleasant.
The running out of money thing I suspect is a valid concern. I remember when I went to France it seemed like every other day I had to get 200 euros out just to keep myself equipped with groceries. Granted, back then I was much more of a spendthrift than I am today. But I remember a certain sense of powerlessness in the face of ridiculously expensive food...being so hungry and exhausted, and not being able to afford food because it cost more than I had in my pocket!
I guess what I would like to do is just...visit? Just visit Berlin? What if I like it, and I fall in love with some guy there but I'm not able to stay because of these ridiculous visa restrictions and so I have to move back to Atlanta and I'm broke and heartbroken and desperate and alone?
I have an amazing capacity to develop new, paralyzing fears all the time. :)
I read this book a couple of months ago called "Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway." The premise of the book is that you have to live with fear whenever you are doing something ambitious or unfamiliar. You can't let your fears hold you back! The best way to overcome them is to prove to yourself that you can handle any situation that comes along. Whatever happens, whatever the worst case scenario is, you must say, "I can deal with it."
My friend Erin the other day told me about "defensive pessimism" which is basically a similar way of dealing with anxiety: you expect the worst outcome and be prepared for that. Then of course you are pleasantly surprised when the worst doesn't really come to pass.
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Winter hiking season is pretty much over and my hiking friends have decided to throw a forest jamboree in the Virginia Massanuttens for all our lesser enthused hiking comrades who don't appreciate death marches.
So I'm thinking that this might be an ideal event to invite Jen from the city hikes, but the problem is tracking her down. I find her blog and it turns out she's left Baltimore due to some schmucky cheating boyfriend and is now planning to hide behind the iron curtain for awhile and be an artist.
Sounds like a plan to me, go have some fun. If you'd like, I can make a quick trip over to Hopkins and beat the crap out of that guy. Berlin is going to be a real blast. I wish I was doing that myself.
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